Ahhh video games. From educational purpose to complete time wasters, we’ve all spent countless hours in front of the console racing, shooting, and looting. If you haven’t then you didn’t have a child hood! Call of Duty is one of those video games that comes along every blue moon (a 12 pack of blue moon that is) and makes you quit your job, neglect your family and girlfriend until you have annihilated that little shit that shot you from 1000 feet away with a shotgun, which is bullshit! I shot him first! Well, while camping in the new Brazilian Favela map, I discovered an ode to the World Cup from the developers. Let us know if you find anymore.
The odds of you getting a BJ from your wife after watching 30 consecutive days of soccer are not in your favor.
What if I told you you had a better chance of getting one from a porn star? What’s the catch you ask? Well, apart from a possible STD, not much. You’ll need Twitter- and an alibi to get out of the house.
Amazing actresses Sara Jay and Siri have offered up the most beautiful 5 minutes of silence to their respective Twitter followers should soccer power houses Brazil, Germany, England, and United States (yeah, I said it) win it all.
Ms. Jay has done this before so you know this is real.
Follow the two broads on Twitter for the golden ticket: @siripornstar @sarajayxxx
@sarajayxxx, @siripornstar, team bj, vuvuzela, World Cup
December 4, 2013. Not the date you broke up with your girlfriend to cheap your way out of a Christmas gift, but the date the last time USMNT forward Jozy Altidore scored a goal.
It’s hard to explain why he hasn’t found net for both club or country. But that doesn’t mean the striker has lost form. In fact, Jozy’s remained pretty confident.
Altidore is still energetic and has maintained the fundamentals essential for the goal scoring barrage we saw at this time last year.
Against a Turkey team that had their chances- but also carried a scoring drought of their own- Jozy pressed high and hard (like your girlfriend), ran at the defense, (and again like your chick), knocked down balls for teammates.
Paired with Clint Dempsey on the front line only means more opportunity for Altidore. If the defense can click and keep the Yanks close, Ghana, Portugal, and Germany will be in for quite a disappointing date with the team. Much like your- ah, forget it.
Jozy Altidore, usmnt, World Cup, your girlfriend
We all love hot dogs from the classic dodger dog to the street vendor dogs after a late night of clubbing and grinding on that ugly chick because it was your turn to take one for the team while your friends hook up with her much cuter friends. We also love our fútbol, and this hot dog vendor found a way to put them together. From one of my favorite sites theCHIVE:
We’ve all done it. We’ve waited on our significant other to finish getting ready while she shakes down the closet- yet again.
So, while you wait on her fourth outfit change, look through these past World Cup uni’s to pass the time. Or, go write your own song.Eric Clapton, sydney leroux, team kits, what are you going to wear?, World Cup, yes yes you look good- let's go!
Pack a gas mask.
There will be many uncertainties along the Amazon in the coming weeks.
Will the stadiums be finished? Will they fuckin’ be safe?
And never mind concrete falling on your ass. Are the federalees going to pummel you with their riot gear? Are the locals going to shoot arrows at you (you read that right) in protest to FIFA’s presence?
Just a few things to consider before the beer bongs and pussy huntin’.
Consider this a warning.
bows and arrows, Brazil, FIFA, stadium deaths, usmnt, World Cup
Fancy designer Versace unveils a t-shirt in honor of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.
What they say, “”To celebrate the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil, Donatella Versace has created a special t-shirt that combines the passions of football with the vivid iconography of the Versace DNA. A brand new Versace baroque print is created using the colors of a Brazilian carnival, decorated with repeated images footballs and flowers. Gold chains and leopard print add luxury, while silhouettes of football players connect the glamour of Versace with the sportsmanship of Brazil. At the heart of the t-shirt is the iconic Medusa head, with a special Versace rock twist.”
What we say, “I’m scared. How do you turn off these mushrooms?”
Check out the specs here.
Bill Cosby, Versace, World Cup, WTF
I call it the Chuy’s vs the Jewies game amirite?…ahem…Mexico City, the legendary Estadio Azteca, a sacred place for the Mexicans and their futbol. It was also a place to stretch out the ole legs of coach Miguel “el piojo” Herrera’s team who have been under strict order to not participate in sex or alcohol. Well I’m signing anything coach.
But it seems to have worked. Mexico controlled the pace for most of the game after a non fluid start. It was also Cuauhtemoc Blanco’s “tribute” game as he started and within 2 minutes was sweating more than Honey Boo Boo’s mom sitting in a Louisiana porta potty on a hot summer day. Mexico also wore their new uniforms which looked like some hipster, Charlie Brown style jersey. Well lets hope goalkeeper JJ Corona quickly after a collision with teammate “Maza” Rodriguez that saw him get carried off in the golf cart of shame.cuautehmoc blanco, honey boo boo, israel, mexico, tribute, World Cup